When the wind changes, you can’t help but change with it.
When I got married, I quickly turned in my application, resume and paper to be part of the Master’s of Library and Information Science program at Kent State University. I would graduate with my MLIS and then start working full-time in a library. I was pursuing my career. I was taking on part of the responsibility to provide for our family.
I didn’t think twice about the timing, or even what the Bible has called me to in this area. Then I read Eve in Exile by Rebekah Merkle (p.s. each of you needs to go purchase a copy right this very moment), and my perspective shifted. I began to grasp a better understanding of what it means to be a Biblical wife, and how my current priorities didn’t match that. It’s not that my priorities were sinful, or even bad, but just not where they should have or could have been. Priorities is a difficult thing, so I’m not sure it’s the right word to use here, maybe focus is better? My focus was not on my home, but it should have been. My focus was not on how I could best serve my husband, but it should have been.
I began to feel humbled at the idea of giving up my hope of finishing my MLIS, as it was becoming a source of pride. I began to feel peace at the thought of not being responsible for the income of our family, as it was becoming a place of worry (not that my husband isn’t brilliant and working so hard in his career! Go hubby!). I felt a weight lift that I hadn’t even realized was sitting so heavily on my shoulders over the past several months.
Although I find Proverbs 31 overly used (and poorly interpreted) in women’s ministries, I do find I have neglected to study it deeply enough to understand its value. This is a hard-working and God-fearing woman. This is not a woman who would throw dishes in the washer, and heat up frozen pizza for dinner so that she could sit and binge on Netflix. This is a woman who has no fear when it snows because she has worked so hard to provide warm clothing (Proverbs 31:21). A woman who makes and sell clothing to add to the growth and joy of her family, not to pursue her own career (Proverbs 31: 24). This is a woman of power and strength because she works so hard to make sure her home is well kept (Proverbs 31: 15-17).
Man, how convicting is that. These verses have been tearing me apart in the best way possible. I’m learning to re-focus on the Biblical things. I’m learning to lay down my desires for the calling of the Lord. And honestly, it’s not that hard. I have to trust that what I am trading in will be returned to me so much more whole, beautiful and glorious. I can trust that, because it is what I am called to in Scripture.
This has been my heart shift over the past several weeks. I am letting go of my thoughts and plans, and trading them in for what God is calling me to. At times it feels confusing, and even more often it feels super scary. What is incredible, is that in this short time I have seen God work. I have seen His perfect timing, plan and orchestration. It really is incredible what happens when we submit and follow him. Our eyes become more open to His workings, and our hearts more willing to listen to His beautiful Word.
There will be more updates to come in the next week with some extremely exciting blessings and changes. God is so good!
Have a blessed day,